Go away

God, to feel comfortable in my useless body. I feel bloated as a day old corpse and about as attractive, things are sitting in my gut so horrible that it feels like my intestines are itchy, my mouth has the clammy sourness of a mouth that eats too much fat and bread, my fingertips are bitten and nails brittle. I can feel my heart beating exaggeratedly: it's mostly nervousness but I imagine instead that my blood is just so thick and dark and sweet that my feeble shitty heart is having trouble with it. Codeine for the billionth time is kicking in. I want to dream of being the best girl, of health. I'm tired. Go away!